Hall of Shame

Movies not even we could make enjoyable. Have some rules for 'em anyway, incase you want to improve them. Some of them are scrapped cause we abandoned ship. Take them in all their unalterred gory.

This page is dedicated to Mystic Pizza, the most boring movie we've ever seen

Mystic Pizza

Don’t watch this movie. No amount of rules made this movie entertaining. If you find yourself stuck watching this movie (perhaps ‘cause your mom has an underdeveloped sapphic crush on Julia Roberts and it's too late for you to dip on family movie night now (family movie night? That exists for functional families, right?)) go ahead and try these out but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  1. Julia has 80s-tastic hair
  2. Sax Plays
  3. Bad 80s fashion
  4. Kat needs to get a spine
  5. You see a pizza
  6. Drink when they drink
      And drink when they smoke

Glitter

Honestly, the only thing that made this movie bareable was a running gag of pretending the leading man was played by Mark Whalberg. Do reccomend, you'll need the added entertainmen.

  1. Billie’s head blows up into glitter finish drink

  2. DJ Julian Dice gives the eyes 0.0
  3. Dice engages in air thrusting or any kind melody
  4. Billi's tits fill more than half the screen

  5. The appearance of a wandering strip of silver on Billie.

  6. A narrative thread is suddenly severed making it impossible to understand ANYTHING happening in the following scene.
  7. a character says: “so it’s like that”
  8. Billie deals with her issues of abandonment by abandoning either her “keepin’ it real” friends or her mother.
  9. Said friends end a sentence with "bitch".
  10. Dice’s personality radically shifts for apparently no reason.
  11. Bad editing
      Takes 3 shots to walk 10 feet, a singing bit goes on for entirely too long
  12. Coordinated outfits

Anaconda

  1. Snake jargon
      Weird herpetologist babble, drink
      Someone said "snake," drink
  2. Wet tee shirt contest
      See some nipples? Nice. And don't be a prude; men can get thotty too
  3. Drink any time they try to convince you Ice Cube isn't the prime beef on the boat
  4. Snake sounds
      Do snakes scream?
  5. Kill shots
      This is how anacondas hunt, right?
  6. Fake jump scare

Bonus Drinks

  1. Start off strong. Finish your drink when Ice Cube's first line of the movie is "Today was a good day"

Wild, Wild West

  1. Will Smith taint? In my kid’s movie?
      It’s more likely than you think. Drink every time you can’t believe this movie had a Burger King toy line. This pretty much just means anytime Selma Hayek is on screen
  2. Impossible steampunk inventions
      Fuckin magnets how do they work
  3. Transphobia
      Just go ahead and drink until you’re comfortable again
  4. Confederacy gets beat up
      This almost makes the rest of the movie worth it. Almost.

Bonus Drinks

  1. NOS
      Who needds the oxide when you have pure nitro?
  2. Finish drink for the song
      lbh that's the only reason you're here

Ghost Rider

  1. Let’s get to The Point
      No explanation needed; two drinks when he points.
  2. Competitive drink: Sam Elliot call out
      The Banquet Rider
  3. Cheesy fire
      This doesn’t mean drink for pyrotechnics (though, sure, go for it if you want cause really who needs that much pyrotechnics?) This means drink for all obvious fake fire. Head to toe fire suit? Count it.
  4. James Brown is dead
      So why do they keep talking about soul? Drink whenever someone mentions “souls”
  5. Speak of the devil
      Drink whenever you see Mephistopheles or the devil is mentioned
  6. I saw the sign
      Drink whenever Nic Cage thinks something is a sign from God
  7. Just stuntin on ‘em
      Sick chopper tricks yo. Choppers are made for that, right?
  8. Spanish_guitar_stinger.WAV
  9. I wanna be a cowboy, baby
      Drink for any Weird Weird West iconography

Chain Reaction 1996

  1. University of Chicago grad, Keanu Reeves
      Everytime Keanu, with that face, Talks STEM at you
  2. Outdated tech
  3. "Alistair"

      iiiii iiiii~

      Do you think they named him that evil name and repeated it so much to make him a red herring? Why'd they kill him so early if that's the case?
  4. Every time rachel weisz is portrayed to be a child?
      You know, this physicist?
      Why'd they do her makeup like that? Why didn't she know what being drunk was like? Why does absolutely no one take her seriously
  5. Title card/globe trotting/in-the-know, nerdy establishing shot
  6. Brian cox's bad southern accent

Bonus drinks

  1. 2 million kelvin and rising
  1. Deus ex piano
      And deus ex unlocked cop car??

      move to real rules?

  2. Ronald Reagan, by mention?

Generic action rules

  1. Pyrotechnics
      "Start hydrogen burn"
      Actually, I wish we had real pyrotechnics. These SFX suck shit

House rules

  1. Weird sexual vibes
  2. They say the name of the movie (dipped before this paid off, if it paid off)
  3. Birdemic
  4. Chekhov's drink
      Yeah its actually a gun this time (dipped out before this paid off, if it paid off)
  5. the prestige
      How were we supposed to believe Morgan Freeman wasn't in on it, when he "didn't hear" a hydrogen bomb going off 6 blocks up?
      Only evil people smoke cigars
  6. ACAB
  7. Product placement
      We're counting agent ford for this because the movie is obv funded by ford, har har mind hunter, and also cause we got bored and wanted to drink more
      Also, count meta for every time c-systems is seen or mentioned
  8. Drink when they (smoke)
      Twice if its inside
  9. Class divide

Python (2000)

Is this 2 bad snake movies left on the cutting room floor? Yes. Should I learn my lesson? Probably. Am I ever going to stop watching terrible natural horror movies? Asbolutely not. If you're like me - twice bitten none shy - enjoy these rules! As a bad snake movie connoisseur, this onees the better of the two
  1. Fake jump scare
      Drink whenever you get a fake out, but also drink every time a normal ass snake is shown
  2. Shut up Wesley
      Will Wheaton call out
  3. Queer fashion
  4. Questionable music choice
      Not just shitty 00's punk but also soulful piano music while skinny dipping? This movie has it all
  5. Slut shaming
  6. Frederick Kruger talks about his big snake
  7. Snake eyes
      Every time you see through the snakes vision
  8. [Snake roars]
      I'm no meteorologist but I don't think that's what snake sounds like
  9. Bad science
      Also: Incongruous snake biology
      Acid burns flesh but not clothes, man eater that never eats its prey, can bust through the hill of a plane but not the cage inside the plane? drink

Catwoman

  1. Cat stuff happens
      milk? cleaning? nine lives...
      Seriously, milk??
  2. Bad CGI - birdemic
  3. Horny movie
      Seriously, how the hell did they put Halle Berry in a cat suit and still manage to lose my interest?
  4. "Beau-Line"
  5. Copgenda
  6. Product placement
      + meta

Freddy Vs. Jason

You know how bad a movie with built in face off rules has to be for me to not put it on the competative rules page? That's my favorite page. I love adding to that page. And I love Jason! He's my favorite! That being said, absolutely fuck this movie with a machete. Shame shame shame
  1. Meta product placement
      "Hypnocil" is seen/said
  2. Someone falls over

Pick a team

Freddy
  1. "Freddy"
  2. He kills someone
  3. "Bitch"
  4. Someone falls asleep
      (insert generic joke about the movie being dumb and boring here)
  5. Gratuitous claws shot
  6. Iconic Freddy one-liner
  7. "Elm Street"
Jason
  1. "Jason"
  2. He kills someone
  3. Sexy teens being sexy
      Pro mode: drink duration
  4. Drugs or alcohol are used
  5. Gratuitious machete shot
  6. chichichimamama.mp3
House Rules that Apply
  1. Nudity
  2. Birdemic: the rule
  3. Fake jump scare
  4. Drink when they drink

While you were sleeping

  1. 4th wall break
  2. midwest name/image drop
      shits almost as good as a title card
      Yes, this incl. sausage ment.
      two drinks when this bitch insists her chicago dog is just a dirty water dog with mustard
  3. femcel behavior that makes you wanna die////or they try to convince you Sandra Bullock is undesireable
  4. "ice capades"
  5. chicago public transportation/CTA seen/heard

house rules

  1. product placement
  2. class divide
  3. checkhov's drink
      I guess!?

The Lost Boys

  1. "Michael"
      Okay actually this is worse than the michael jordan show rule in space jam
  2. worms/maggots - illusions, michael joke
  3. Someone has a ridiculous mullet
      2x if everyone in frame has a ridiculous mullet
  4. A vampire other than Keifer Sutherland speaks
  5. 2x A vampire dies
  6. A shitty taxidermied animal is seen
  7. The vamps are seen rolling around on their dirt bikes
      Get that little kid a helmet!
  9. You can hear a saxophone start playing
  10. Corey on Corey
  11. isthedogthehero.com - bonus drink
      Editor's note: this is in reference to a brilliant drunken idea we had for a site similar to doesthedogdie, but in this case we would decide if the dog is the hero of the movie. Write in to let me know if there's a market for this (I won't be filling the niche, I just wanna know
  12. "How far are you willing to go, Michael?"///"Just you! Just you, and me."//"One of the reasons I divorced your father was because he never believed in the closet monster" - all contenders for gay rule joke material
  13. Needle drop/jim morrison i(ii)

House rules:

  1. Product placement
  2. Drink when they drink - drink duration

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House Rules